He likes to instruct me where he wants me to be when he enters my flat: on my bed, blindfolded and naked, for example, or in my kitchen, pleasuring myself while perched on my breakfast bar.

And then we take it from there.

I enjoy playing whatever role he asks of me because it requires no thinking on my part. I can switch off and let someone else take the driver’s seat, which is always a relief, no matter what time of day it happens to be. Mornings are my particular favourite because I’m at my horniest, and I don’t have to worry that he’ll want to spend the day hanging out with me, which I wouldn’t actually be averse to, given that, from the little I know of him, we seem to share an interest in design, being active and, of course, sex. Plus he’s attractive - a decade younger than me, with boyish good looks, tall, slim, on the preppy side with trendy tortoiseshell glasses. He looks like a guy who works in some arty field, which he does.

Our conversations, always by text, typically begin three or four days before we are due to meet, with flurries of messages between us: swapping pictures and sharing how we want to pleasure each other, orally or otherwise. By the appointed time and date, when he enters the room, I’m so mentally and physically prepared that it never takes me very long to climax. That’s a rarity at my age because, with others, it sometimes doesn’t happen at all or can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, although I’ve never timed myself. I’m of the opinion that sex isn’t a race or even requires a finish line.

Between the texting, the graphic images and the elaborate erotic fantasy we have constructed, I’m a wound-up spring, ready to explode. My pussy is already wet and engorged, so when his tongue first touches my clit, I’m so prepared for it that I’m moaning and groaning, telling him how good it feels to finally feel him lapping up all my juices.

The man has an absolutely beautiful cock. I’ve seen a lot of dicks, and his is right up there if you like them big: thick, long and about as perfect as they come. A proper porn-star dick that I only have to look at to get incredibly turned on. Rather unfortunately, once inside me, he rarely lasts long. I suspect that the anticipation, first- or second-date nerves and the limited time we have to fuck all serve to short-circuit his ability to stay hard beyond a few thrusts. He’s in, he’s out and he’s come, all within five minutes. It’s not ideal, but his oral skills are also first-rate, and I suspect that, if I wasn’t merely a pit stop on his way to work, I might find out whether I was dealing with a form of erectile dysfunction or merely unfamiliarity.

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I need a toy about 80% of the time to get there. I have also been with a man who told me toys were not coming into his bedroom, and that put more strain on the relationship than the toy ever could have. He thought he was being replaced.

“Tools don’t compete. They assist.”

That is Dr. Shamyra Howard, an award-winning sexologist and licensed therapist who spends her working week with couples stuck in exactly that standoff. She founded On the Green Couch.

If you have been quietly deciding the good sex is behind you, this conversation will change what you think you are dealing with.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why your partner hears something completely different from what you said

• How to raise the subject without either of you feeling ambushed

• What happens to sensation after 50, and why more arousal is the answer rather than less

• Why lube carries even more shame than toys do, and what that shame is built on

• What sex becomes once performance stops being the point

Follow Dr. Shamyra Howard Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• Facebook

• YouTube

• Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom

Chapters

00:00– Sponsor spotlight: https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:28 – Breaking the silence on why midlife intimacy is due for a serious upgrade.

02:06 – Looking at the outdated societal scripts and the hidden pleasure gap affecting mature women.

04:11 – Why physical body changes after 50 make intimate aids essential tools rather than afterthoughts.

05:10 – Why male partners often feel replaced by bedroom aids and the crucial mindset shift that changes everything.

07:54 – How to smoothly invite a hesitant partner to explore intimate devices together without making it awkward.

11:02 – The surprising clinical research showing how certain stimulation devices can actively reduce menopause symptoms.

12:18 – Choosing the right sensation when navigating internal versus external stimulation options.

13:53 – How targeted clitoral air technology is transforming arousal and natural blood flow in post-menopausal bodies.

15:07 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook http://gitmplaybook.com/SUZANNE20

15:53 – A compelling study on how regular orgasms can meaningfully protect and boost your mental health.

17:17 – Creative ways to use a multi-use massage wand across entire full-body erogenous zones with a partner.

19:37 – Why investing in high-grade intimate wellness tools is just as essential as your regular self-care routine.

20:12 – The non-negotiable rule about pairing the right body-safe lubricants with medical-grade silicone.

22:04 – Overcoming the persistent stigma around dryness and why lubrication is basic physiology, not a personal failure.

24:04 – Combining topical solutions with daily bedroom habits to turn intimate comfort into a completely seamless experience.

25:50 – Letting go of performance anxiety and completely redefining what pleasure feels like after 50.

26:48 – The single most damaging myth about ageing women’s sexuality that needs to be completely dismantled.

27:31 – Wrapping up with community resources and practical ways to keep prioritising your intimate life.

Ready to Go Deeper?

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• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

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On this occasion we got together on Substack Live to discuss the sexless marriage, a circumstance all too familiar to both of us and, I suspect, to several of our listeners too.

Like many couples, but I suspect especiall…

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Being British is, for me, perhaps the only embarrassing thing about herpes. We pride ourselves on our progressiveness (so long as it comes with social approval) but we still have lingering puritanical ideas when it comes to sex. This makes us culturally closer to our cousins in the USA than our more relaxed and pragmatic neighbours in Europe, where herpes is more often regarded as an inconvenience than the catastrophic end of a person’s sex life.

You’d be hard pressed to find anything scary if you Googled it in French or Danish. Herpes stigma is particularly entrenched in the English-speaking world. A diagnosis of genital herpes is usually followed by a tumble down the Google rabbit hole, where confusing, alarming and often contradictory information can cause far more psychological distress than the physical symptoms. The modern stigma exploded during the 1980s, fuelled by pharmaceutical marketing, and more than forty years later, we still haven’t grown out of it.

And if herpes is the most unsexy word in the English language, then genitals must be a close second. It’s a word about as attractive as the penises and vaginas it describes. They are seldom works of art; hence ‘bumping uglies’, as a self-deprecating euphemism for having sex.

Location is as much an accomplice to stigma as language. Catch the same infection on the face and it’s just a cold sore; on the hand or finger and it’s a whitlow, but get it on your bits and there’s no nickname, no linguistic softening - just the harsh medical label itself. Language matters and can profoundly shape how someone feels about what they’ve been told. Decades of stigma have even furnished herpes with its own sinister vocabulary: it is contracted rather than caught. A recurrence becomes an outbreak. Its incurability is highlighted as ominous rather than unremarkable, like chickenpox and glandular fever which also recur. Its incurability is highlighted as ominous rather than unremarkable. And when it comes to telling a partner, the condition is catnip for online virtue signallers, who insist it must be formally disclosed rather than simply mentioned as part of an ordinary conversation about sexual health.

It is, to borrow the asinine, stale and adolescent phrase so often attached to herpes, the gift that keeps on giving - not least for those who benefit from the stigma: tabloid journalists, peddlers of bullshit cures, segregationist STI dating apps, lazy comedy writers and the like.

As if that wasn’t enough to combat, medical literature can give disproportionate visibility to complications and unusual cases, while online support groups can become echo chambers of doom, guilt and performative righteousness, often populated by people who have learned to live within the stigma rather than challenge it. In doing so, they can end up reinforcing the very thing they supposedly exist to overcome.

Internet algorithms tend to reward negative content, amplifying what can happen at the expense of what is actually likely to happen; the tabloid press does much the same, so even when presented with the facts, many still cling to the prevailing narrative.

Perhaps due to its wildly disproportionate reputation, few people expect to catch herpes or give it much thought until they’re diagnosed. Yet by age 25, around six in ten people in the UK carry HSV-1 and one in ten carry HSV-2; by 35, carrying herpes simplex is almost universal - but most have it so mildly they never realise! This isn’t widely known to the public, so what is routine to a healthcare professional can feel to the patient like being handed a leper’s bell, making the language used at diagnosis crucial: it can either normalise the condition or reinforce everything the patient already fears about it.

My own diagnosis initially dented my confidence, but I soon reclaimed it. I’m fortunate that it rarely bothers me and, if anything, gives me an incentive to stay healthy.

After more than six years as Deputy Director of the Herpes Viruses Association, immersed in the reality rather than the mythology, I see the hype for what it is: exaggeration and misdirection, a grand illusion like the Wizard of Oz exposed from behind the curtain.

Over the years, I’ve helped normalise and disarm herpes for people of every age, race, religion and profession: newly diagnosed teenagers and newly single widows, gay couples and unfaithful partners, sex workers and Premier League footballers, concerned parents and doctors with questions of their own. Old or young, rich or poor, famous or unknown, your place in society makes no difference to herpes simplex. Like death and defecation, it is indifferent to social status.

Whatever concern brings someone to us, the antidote is facts, context and perspective, delivered with compassion, understanding and occasionally humour.

Most answers can be found on the HVA website, but people have usually already read themselves into a state of despair. Information is everywhere, but genuine human connection is increasingly scarce, and sometimes people just need a conversation with an understanding stranger who knows what’s what.

Before the Covid pandemic I ran an events company, and before that my varied employment history had included video production, teaching, voice work and lyric writing; I’d promoted the Czech Republic and travelled China with a Welsh fairground. I’ve never been a stranger to an unusual career path, so becoming a herpes expert fits—and has proved endlessly fascinating.

When the pandemic passed, I could have rebuilt the events company, but by then knowing I was making a significant difference to people had become rather addictive and given me a new sense of purpose. The public narrative surrounding herpes remains harmful, outdated and unnecessarily cruel. I am helping to correct that, so I feel a duty not to walk away from it.

Publicly associating myself with something most people would rather keep secret rather suits my contrarian streak and contempt for misinformation, injustice and social cowardice - and the novelty and rewards far outweigh the relatively small personal cost.

There’s also something empowering about having expertise in a subject so widely misunderstood. It makes me feel useful and, at 52, that matters considerably more to me than being fashionable.

As I say at the start of my first YouTube video for The Viral Truth:

”What most people think herpes is - doesn’t really exist.”

Cameron Poole is Deputy Director of the Herpes Viruses Association and creator of the recently launched The Viral Truth, an independent sexual-health education project challenging herpes misinformation and stigma.

Find the HVA at https://herpes.org.uk/ and The Viral Truth at @viraltruthmedia

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Two of the men I loved died. Both of them experienced erectile dysfunction, and I read it as age. It seemed a reasonable assumption at the time. Men get older, erections get less reliable, and I was completely naive when it came to understanding the root cause of their problem.

“I almost equate erectile dysfunction with penile vascular dysfunction,” Dr Arthur Burnett told me. He wants men to hear an erection the way a cardiologist hears a heart murmur.

Dr Arthur Burnett is a urologist at Johns Hopkins whose lab uncovered the chemistry that made Viagra possible. Forty years on, he has serious reservations about what men do with it now.

If you have been quietly waiting for this to sort itself out, or watching someone you love wait, this conversation will change what you think you are dealing with.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why the pill has never once started an erection, and what that means for the nights it did nothing

• How a man can be doing everything right and still watch it stop working

• What his lab found when they went looking for the same response in women

• Why he blames his own profession for what men aren’t told before a prostatectomy

• What he does when he finds his own name on a supplement bottle

Follow Dr. Arthur Burnett Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• YouTube

• Facebook

Chapters

00:00 – Intro & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:26 – Redefining Intimacy After 50: Welcoming Johns Hopkins Urologist Dr. Arthur Burnett

01:33 – Is Erectile Dysfunction Inevitable? Why Unreliable Erections Don’t Mean the End of Your Sex Life

02:18 – The Real Science Behind Viagra: What a Pioneering Researcher Wants Men to Know

04:29 – The Hidden Danger of Quick-Fix Online Prescriptions & Skipping Root Causes

07:24 – Removing the Shame: Why Men Must Stop Suffering in Silence

08:30 – Erectile Dysfunction as an Early Warning Sign for Heart & Vascular Health

10:19 – Does Viagra Work for Women? The Truth About Female Clitoral Blood Flow

12:31 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

13:10 – Why the Blue Pill Doesn’t Work Without Mind-Body Synergy

16:23 – Rethinking Performance: Shifting Focus Beyond Penetrative Sex

17:06 – The Unspoken Trauma: What Doctors Often Miss in Prostate Cancer Care

19:39 – Innovations in Prostate Surgery: Preserving Nerve Function & Recovery

20:58 – Post-Surgery Rehabilitation: Do Vacuum Pumps & Therapy Devices Actually Work?

22:29 – How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Decline Without Losing Attraction

23:33 – Lifestyle Habits That Naturally Improve Blood Flow & Performance

24:30 – Nitric Oxide Supplements: Separating Hype from Real Medical Science

28:01 – Authentic Health: Ditching the “Marlboro Man” Myth & Taking Charge

29:24 – Outro & Community Links

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

I can’t sleep with men I don’t like in some fundamental way, so when the sex doesn’t work for me anymore or they simply can’t turn up on time or let me down consistently, I may take a break for a while, but mostly they tend to come back in the new guise of a friend.

Which is why telling my situationship that I wanted it to end feels particularly hard, because I didn’t have to do it, but I didn’t feel that I was being respected, and being respected should be fundamental to any relationship.

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Pauline is a certified sexological bodyworker, tantra teacher and trauma specialist based in Queensland, Australia. She trained in NLP, hypnotherapy and the Havening technique, and calls herself a libido expert because that’s what almost everyone arrives at her door with.

She gave me the homework she sets her clients. It costs nothing, needs no partner, and most women have never once tried it.

Pauline reckons most of us are living with our brain, heart and genitals in separate postcodes. She has a fix for that, and you can start it tonight in front of the telly.

Here’s what we cover:

• The thing men do on the sofa every night that women were taught never to do

• Why painful sex after menopause is treatable

• The trauma technique that cleared decades of her own, after EMDR did nothing at all

• What she said to a man in his thirties who was booked in for his third Peyronie’s operation

• Where your libido disappears to when your brain decides sex isn’t safe

• The one thing she wants women doing from perimenopause onwards, and almost nobody is

Follow Pauline Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• Facebook

• YouTube

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Episode Preview: Unlocking Midlife Passion & Somatic Sexology with Pauline Ryeland

01:30 – From Personal Healing to Intimacy Coaching: Pauline’s Journey

03:15 – Breaking the Silence: Why Seniors Are Reclaiming Their Sexual Wellbeing

05:40 – Somatic Sexology Explained: How Your Body Holds the Key to Pleasure

08:12 – Overcoming Midlife Libido Blockers & Emotional Disconnect

11:05 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

12:10 – Tantra & Sensual Touch: Redefining Intimacy Beyond Performance

15:45 – The Power of Pelvic Floor Awareness & Sacred Energy

19:20 – Navigating Body Image Changes and Self-Confidence After 50

22:50 – Simple Micro-Habits to Ignite Connection with Your Partner Today

26:15 – Vulnerability in Midlife Dating & Long-Term Relationships

29:40 – Closing Words: Why Desire Has No Expiration Date

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

What a delight to recognise Suzanne’s name here on Substack, and find we are both still involved in the sexy world! Suzanne and I first crossed paths in the early Noughties, when we were both involved with the Erotic Awards (a charity event in support of the sexual rights of people with disabilities).

Now we have reconnected, Suzanne has kindly invited me to contribute a guest article. Suzanne writes frequently about slowing sex down, widening our scope of what it involves, and using toys and lube. All these things help us enjoy sex in senior years.

Let me add to this a mindset shift I’ve seen time and again be helpful for clients.

A typical female client in her 50s or 60s might say to me: “I never feel like sex. Now and then I say yes to my husband, just to stop feeling so guilty. Once we doing it… I do kind of enjoy it! Well, sometimes it hurts if I’m too dry; I don’t find the positions he likes do much for me; and often it’s over when I’m only just getting into it. But I enjoy cuddling afterwards and feeling the pressure is off for a while.”

Then she adds: “I wish I wanted it more often. What’s wrong with me?”.

To me, there’s nothing wrong with her. Something very logical is going on.

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Dr Anna Elton is a licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist and author of The Formula of Desire. She married her high school sweetheart 25 years ago (and yes, they still flirt).

I didn’t have sex for the last four years of my marriage. I could have used this conversation then. If your relationship has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Here’s what we cover:

• The difference between desire and arousal, and why confusing them keeps couples stuck

• What was actually behind that electric feeling of wanting someone across a room

• Where your erotic energy goes when it stops flowing toward your partner

• The couple who hadn’t been on a date in ten years, and didn’t realise it

• A 20-second habit that brought one couple’s sex life back

• What couples who stay passionate for decades do differently

Follow Dr. Anna Elton Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• TikTok

• YouTube

• Facebook

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Understanding Midlife Desire with Dr Anna Elton

01:27 – Lessons from 25 Years Together: Clinical Research Meets Personal Reality

03:00 – Why Young Couples Suffer From Sexless Marriages

03:36 – The Brain Chemistry of Intimacy: Desire vs. Physical Arousal

04:35 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire Explained

05:34 – Rethinking ‘Spontaneous’ Spark in Long-Term Relationships

07:01 – The Myth of Youthful Passion & Hormonal Shifts Over Time

09:07 – Restoring Novelty: The A-to-Z Date Night Framework

10:56 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

11:42 – Creating Mystery & Seeing Your Partner Through a New Lens

13:05 – The Power of ‘Consensual Uncertainty’ in Midlife Dating

13:44 – Overcoming the ‘Planner Dynamic’ & Resentment in Relationships

15:32 – The Three-Step Coaching Technique to Encourage Partner Effort

17:00 – Desire Diversion: Where Does Erotic Energy Go When It Leaves the Bedroom?

18:50 – Balancing the Three Personas: Individual, Couple, and Family

20:17 – Defining a ‘Sexless Marriage’ & The Impact of Parental Stress

23:05 – What Long-Term Couples Do Differently to Keep the Flame Alive

24:04 – Social Penetration Theory: Why Deeper Communication Drives Physical Connection

25:58 – Micro-Habits for Reconnection: The 20-Second Rule

27:12 – Can High School Sweethearts Last a Lifetime?

28:30 – Closing Thoughts & ‘The Formula of Desire’ Book Release Details

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

How to turn on an older woman is such a common issue that I’ve already addressed in several posts that you can read here and here. But what happens, when the shoe is on the other foot, and it’s the woman who can’t arouse interest from her male partner in having sex, or for whom sex has become boring and predictable?

If you are a highly sexed woman, being with a man that doesn’t want to have sex as frequently as you desire, or at all, can be as soul destroying as the opposite way around. I know because this was the case throughout most of my marriage.

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Get more from Suzanne Noble in the Substack app

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I was honoured to have the amazing come on Substack Live for the first time ever (!) to talk about penis pumps, prostate massagers and vaginal rejuvenators! She’s one of the most knowledgeable sex educators I know and it’s no surprise that she was featured on Diary of a CEO talking about how to achieve better orgasms.

If you’re a guy who struggles with unreliable erections, or wants to add volume to your penis, than you’re going to want to watch this! As the wisest sex educators have often said, pumping isn’t solely for Christmas, it should be part of a man’s weekly protocol if he wants to keep the blood flowing down there and keeps the tissues healthy. If you’ve never seen a pump or are wondering how they differ from one another, Susan showcases several different varieties.

We also talk about Peyronie’s Disease and how pumps can help with that, and for getting and maintaining an erection more generally.

If you’re curious to know about the products Susan demonstrated, here’s the full list:

• PumpingGuide.com

• Dr. Joel Kaplan Whopper system

• Androdeep Penile traction device / penile stretcher

• FirmTech Erection constriction ring / cock ring

• FirmTech TechRing

• O-Nuts

• Red light wrap / red light therapy device

• Vaginadevice.com

• Flow Nitric Oxide Booster - Get your FREE bottle at getflowfree.com

• Acoustic wave treatment

• Tenuto 2

• Tenuto Mini

• Prostate massager / prostate tool - use my code ADVICE15 for 15% off

• The Lady Pump from Dr. Joel Kaplan

Find Susan’s Full List of Product Recommendations at DriveDesire.com

Find Susan on Substack at Better Lover

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr Kelly Barron, a menopause specialist, chiropractor, certified sexologist, and founder of Dr Kellfire’s, a chocolate brand created to support desire, hormone balance, and pleasure.

Kelly explains why menopause ends the sex life you used to have and begins one you get to design, why taking sex off the table is the first step to reclaiming pleasure, and how to work with responsive desire instead of waiting for the mood to strike.

Here’s what we cover:

• How Kelly’s chocolate line came together, and the herbs behind each formula

• Why she became a certified sexologist after years as a menopause specialist and chiropractor

• The dating app trick that changed how I see myself as an older woman

• Why younger men are drawn to older women, and whether it’s built to last

• How responsive desire works, and why it takes longer to get in the mood now

• The lingerie storytelling moment that made me rethink how I build anticipation

• Why scheduling sex and creating rituals can make intimacy more exciting, not less

Follow Dr Barron Here:

• Website

• Podcast

• Instagram

• YouTube

Chapters:

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:23 – Why women love chocolate: Science, Pleasure & Midlife Wellness

01:42 – The Story Behind Dr. Kellfire’s Functional Chocolates for PMS, stress & libido

06:10 – Sensory Experiences: Connecting Taste, Touch, and Intimacy

08:00 – The Midnight Carnival: Making Sexual Wellness Fun & Playful

09:20 – From Chiropractor to Sexologist: Dr. Kelly’s Holistic Approach to Menopause

12:45 – Overcoming Body Image Struggles & Reclaiming Confidence After 50

14:31 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

15:02 – Taking Pressure Off the Bedroom: Body Awareness & Sensate Touch

16:16 – Where Are the Older Sexual Role Models? Calling Out Media Double Standards

19:46 – Midlife Dating Realities: Younger Men, Age Gaps & Finding Real Connection

25:18 – Mastering Responsive Desire: How to Set the Mood for Better Sex

26:23 – The Power of Scheduling Sex: Erotic Storytelling & Building Anticipation

30:59 – Dating with Boundaries: Knowing What You Want & Vetting Partners

34:04 – Desire Doesn’t Retire: Evolving Your Sex Life in Midlife and Beyond

34:53 – Episode Wrap-Up & Show Notes Links

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

I’m a problem-solver by nature, and his comment made me think about the many different ways people become turned on. Sexy lingerie and sexting are easy routes to arousal for me because I’m not in a live-in relationship, a long-term partnership, or any arrangement that requires me to show up as anyone other than my sexual self. I’m not hard to please. A man can tempt me with the offer of a wisp of silk, and I’m horny. I’m never going to see his grey underwear or have to wash his socks. Being free of all the stuff that often gets in the way of sexual pleasure makes it easy to be with someone I like for no other reason than exploring each other’s bodies and erotic fantasies.

If I had to factor in all the other stuff most couples deal with, whether, for example, the domestic load is shared fairly, whether one partner’s libido is higher than the others, or whether caregiving is creating tension, then perhaps being handed a nice nightie wouldn’t do it for me either.

It’s so much easier to be playful in a relationship when playfulness is essentially the whole relationship. Once reality intrudes and you’re negotiating who takes out the rubbish, who cooks the dinner, or who makes weekend plans, it’s easy for the sexual side to be side lined or to slip away completely. Before you know it, you’re lying next to someone who feels more like a friend than a lover. I’ve been there and it was a lonely place. I’d rather sleep alone than next to someone who has no desire to touch me.

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That’s how one woman described sex to her therapist this week. She isn’t broken. She’d just never been told about the fixes that already exist.

Dr Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Pleasure Project in Santa Barbara. Her clients in their 50s, 60s and beyond arrive embarrassed. They leave with a plan.

Her most freeing insight: the low-desire partner usually doesn’t dislike sex. She dislikes the sex she’s having. Fix that, and everything changes.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why an erection that half-works doesn’t mean pleasure is over

• The generational reason women over 50 feel ashamed of lube

• What vaginal estrogen clears up in weeks, and why so few women are told

• How pressure turns desire into obligation, and what works instead

• The two words that reignite decades-long relationships

Follow Dr Kennedy Here:

• Website

• Riviera Therapy

• Facebook

• Instagram

• YouTube

Chapters:

00:00 Why couples feel embarrassed to talk about sex problems
00:28 The missing word in long-term intimacy: curiosity
03:41 The most common issues couples bring to sex therapy
05:10 When people see a doctor first vs a sex therapist first
06:44 What ageing does to sex, erections, and desire
08:32 How to work with what still feels good
09:17 Why shame shuts down sexual connection
11:02 Why men struggle to move beyond penetrative sex
12:35 Practical tips for unreliable erections
13:49 Sensitivity, softness, and new ways to think about pleasure
16:01 Vaginal dryness, pain, and vaginal atrophy
17:32 Lube, suppositories, and vaginal estrogen
20:25 Why women over 50 still feel shame about needing lube
21:09 The biggest mistake couples make with mismatched desire
23:30 Why relational connection matters more than mechanics
26:08 How curiosity helps long-term couples rediscover intimacy
27:59 The power of asking questions and listening
31:52 Dr. Jenn Kennedy’s Pleasure Project course

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As a result of these liaisons, and many more that followed over the years, my playmate built up a substantial address book of men and women who could be relied upon to turn up for some prearranged activity, whether that meant threesomes, foursomes, or more. I didn’t realise at the time how lucky I was to have found someone with access to so many nice, respectable, and usually well-endowed men, many of whom eventually made it into my erotic memoir, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker.

Nowadays, I restrict most of my activities to one-on-ones, because organising anything more takes a phenomenal amount of effort, and I simply don’t have the time or inclination to plan something with a strong chance of never happening. I’ve discovered that when it comes to fantasies, nearly everyone I chat with online would rather keep them in their heads than make them happen in real life. They think they want the real thing, but more often than not, they bottle it and come up with some reason why they’re suddenly unavailable. I suspect a significant number of them use our conversations to feed their ‘wank bank.’

And that’s probably for the best, because as I’ve discovered through research and my own experiments, manifesting a fantasy with a partner purely as role play, even when it involves another person, is nearly as good — and sometimes better — than making it happen in real life. The human brain isn’t especially good at drawing a bright line between fantasy and reality, which is why you can pretend it’s all happening without the risk of it going badly wrong. As I know all too well, fantasies, when played out in real life, rarely go to plan, especially when they move beyond one-on-one.

Last Friday, I was reminded of this by a man introduced to me by a female friend at an event we were both attending.

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I spoke with of Valens Health about how testosterone and related hormones affect energy, libido, focus, muscle mass and overall vitality as we age. We also discussed why “normal” blood results don’t always mean optimal health, and why symptoms matter just as much as numbers.

Key takeaways:

• Hormone levels often decline from around age 40, and this can aff…

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No abuse, no fighting, nothing dramatically wrong. Just a question she couldn’t shake: is this it?

“I had a person sleeping next to me, but no intimacy,” she told me.

Áine is a certified coach, self-described modern priestess of pleasure, and author of Blow Up Your Life: The Wild Art of Wanting More, out this week from Simon & Schuster. In this conversation, we get into why “happy” is the wrong measure for a marriage, and what she rebuilt in its place.her

One moment stayed with me. Before leaving, she and her husband opened the marriage. She read The Ethical Slut, gave it six weeks, and realised it was a band-aid.

What was missing wasn’t other people. It was intimacy itself.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why “happy” is the wrong gauge for a marriage

• What six weeks of an open marriage revealed

• How to find your yes and your no when both have gone blurry

• Reclaiming pleasure when blowing it all up isn’t an option

• What Áine tells her daughter that nobody told her at 14

Follow Aine Here:

• Website

• TikTok

• Instagram

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction

01:20 What Does It Mean to "Blow Your Life Up"?

04:00 Happy on the Outside, Lonely on the Inside

07:00 Opening a Marriage—or Ending It?

11:00 Rediscovering Yourself Through Dating

16:00 Why Women Struggle to Express Desire

20:00 What Is Erotic Alchemy?

24:00 Reclaiming Pleasure Without Leaving Your Life

28:00 Self-Pleasure, Rituals and Knowing Your Body

33:00 Final Thoughts on Living More Fully

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life

If you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Get more from Suzanne Noble in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Last week’s Substack Live was one of those conversations that reminds you sex is far more than just PIV.

I was joined by , who I met in London a year ago and has spent decades h…

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For men too, especially those for whom using the death grip has become the norm while masturbating, toys such as the BlowMotion or any of the male masturbators created by Hot Octopuss can also do the job when one’s hand may no longer be enough, or when you might like the help of a sexy assistant.

I haven’t been with a man in several years now who has said “NO” when it comes to bringing toys into the bedroom, and I suspect that if I came across a guy who forbade their use, I wouldn’t continue our relationship beyond the first date.

There’s a valid reason why using sex toys makes sense as an older person. What I’ve been told by several doctors with far more expertise than I have is that the smaller nerves in the clitoris disintegrate as a normal part of ageing, and the larger nerves, the ones that respond especially well to vibrations, take over. Where once your fingers were able to do the job, now it may require more than one’s hand to achieve an orgasm.

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For Malia Lazu, the real insight wasn’t the number. It was this: it has very little to do with who you’re with.

“It’s about whether you can actually receive pleasure,” she told me.

Malia is the founder of Sunflower Spa in Hawaii, a space designed to help women reconnect with their bodies and their desire. In this conversation, we explore why so many women, especially in midlife and beyond, feel disconnected from pleasure, and what actually helps.

One story stayed with me. A woman found herself mentally writing a grocery list during sex. The solution? Not mindset, something physical to bring her back into her body. Simple. Effective.

We also talk about “orgasm oneupmanship,” menopause myths, and why being sexual after 50 is still treated as taboo.

At the heart of it: faking it doesn’t help anyone. Real change starts with knowing your own body.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why sexual dissatisfaction isn’t about your partner

• How to stay present during sex

• The problem with comparing orgasms

• Menopause and desire; what’s actually true

• Why self-awareness is the key to better sex

Follow Malia Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• YouTube

Chapters:

00:00 Malia Lazu on women's magic and purpose
01:16 Founding Sunflower Spa in Hawaii
02:28 Leaving corporate consulting behind
03:19 The 69% sexual satisfaction stat explained
06:33 Why women fake more than orgasms
07:15 The grocery list during sex story
10:45 Orgasm one-upmanship among women
15:53 Myths about sex after 50 and menopause
18:21 Childfree women and the taboo of ageing sexuality
21:14 Desentering men from your identity
24:43 Social conditioning and princess stories
29:31 Communication over faking it
32:44 Malia's closing message on worthiness

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life

If you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.